Dear Jessica Morris,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it When I tripped on peanut butter outside of your office and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're masochistic enough to understand that you need a sex change. I'm returning your love letters from you back to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without you and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Your everlasting enemy,
Marina